Mental Health for Men: Secret Sauce of Therapy

People ask me all the time about therapy. They ask me what’s so special about it. They ask if they really need it. They say, “Chris, can’t I get the same thing from reading books, watching videos, talking to a friend, or the new Chat AI programs out there? You can learn tons from those methods. The difference between those and therapy is the secret sauce.

The secret sauce of therapy is two parts. Without these two parts, you aren’t going to get the results that you want in your life. You will not get the movement that you are looking for. These two parts are essential for your growth.

Lean into your Mental Health

Secret sauce ingredient number one is you. Not just you, but you leaning into the process of therapy. When you lean into the process of therapy, that means you are vulnerable. You are showing everything and giving everything to be your true self. That means when you are scared, worried and are having these doubts in your mind, you lean into it and you go there. You talk about the issues you feel like you need to talk about. You talk about that voice in your head that says you aren’t good enough or don’t deserve this. You talk about the deep-down feeling inside of you that has been hiding. You talk about that part you don't want to talk about. You get what you put into the process. If you are putting in the emotional work it takes to process what you are feeling, you will see the results.

Find The Right Therapist

Ingredient number two is doing therapy with the right therapist. You need a therapist who makes you feel safe and secure. 100% you need to be comfortable with this person. You’ll be exploring your most intimate thoughts and feelings. You must feel connected with them. Most people are not in therapy with the first person that they reach out to. You’ll know in your gut if this is the right person for you. You shouldn’t have a doubt in your mind that this person is for you. If you do have some doubts, this person might not be the right therapist for you. It is okay if you are not a good fit with this therapist. There are many other therapists out there who you will fit better with. There is a therapist out there for everyone.

Tips to Find the Right Therapist

You feel heard

When you speak to them, it feels like they’re actually listening to you. They are not brushing you off. It feels like you are having a real conversation with a trusted friend. Find a therapist who hears you.

They Speak Your Language

I’m not saying they speak Spanish, English, or Tagalog. I’m talking about the same slang or wordage. With the therapist, you’ll feel comfortable speaking in your own way. You aren’t watering down what you say. You aren’t changing the way that you say things. You are staying authentically true to who you are, the way you act, and the way you speak. Having someone ‘speak your language’ allows you to let your guard down. In the past year, 100% of my clients use profanity throughout their sessions. They use it during times of happiness, sadness, frustration, and excitement.  Find a therapist who speaks your language.

You Feel Safe

When the therapist gives you that real talk or feedback you need to hear, you feel safe enough to hear what they are saying. It might be hard to hear the truth.  With this therapist, you can let your guard down and be open to the idea of what they are saying may be true. You feel as though this person has your best interest in mind and trust them. Find a therapist you feel safe with.

The secret sauce of therapy is you leaning into the process of therapy and finding a therapist who you feel heard by, feel safe, and speaks your language. Those two ingredients combined make therapy what therapy is. You can learn from books, videos and talking with friends but it’s a much different experience than experiencing therapy and putting in the emotional work it takes. This is where the magic happens. Therapists aren’t the magic pill. They have knowledge, skills, and techniques to help you get where you want to go but you are the expert in you. Lean into the process of therapy and find the right therapist for you.

Get Mental Health Treatment for Men

When you want to work on your mental health, reach out for a free 15-minute consultation.  I’m Chris Rabanera. I provide online therapy in California, online therapy in Michigan, and online therapy in Las Vegas. I work with issues such as physician burnout, anxiety, depression, mental health for men and grief counseling.