Mental Health for Men: Parenting & Attachment Explained

The topic of attachment came up in a session the other day. I had a wonderful conversation with the client about how attachment outcomes can be the result of parenting styles. This blog will be a quick review of parenting styles and attachment outcomes. We are also going to explore where to go from here.

When I think about parenting styles, I think about Diana Baumrind and her work. Diana focused on two dimensions, which are demandingness or control and responsiveness or warmth. Many people refer to the 4 main parenting styles she identified as the Baumrind parenting styles.

Parenting Styles

The first parenting style is the authoritative parenting style. There is both a high level of demandingness and responsiveness. This means that parents set clear expectations and boundaries for their children while providing warmth, support, and open lines of communication. Authoritative parents also encourage individuality and independence while maintaining a nurturing and supportive environment. 

The second parenting style is the authoritarian parenting style. There is a high level of demandingness and a low level of responsiveness. This parenting style has strict rules and expectations without much room for warmth or flexibility. This tends to be my way or the highway. Communication flows from parenting to child without any room for feedback from the child. 

The third parenting style is the permissive parenting style. There is a low level of demandingness and a high level of responsiveness. In this parenting style, parents are lenient and set few demands or rules for their children. They are extremely responsive and nurturing but may be hesitant to enforce rules and boundaries. 

The last parenting style is the uninvolved parenting style. In this style, parents have both a low level of demandingness and responsiveness. Parents are emotionally detached and provide little to no guidance for their children. There is no warmth in this style of parenting.

Attachment Styles

With those main parenting styles, there are different outcomes for each parenting style. With authoritative parenting, children tend to develop secure attachments to their parents. This is due to the clear expectations, warmth, and responsiveness in their environment that allows the children to explore the world around them knowing that they are safe and secure. These children often have a positive view of themselves and their relationships. With authoritarian parenting styles, children are more likely to develop an insecure attachment to their parents. The lack of warmth and responsiveness may lead a child to feel less secure with their parents. With permissive parenting, children may develop insecure attachments. There’s a lack of clear boundaries which may create uncertainty and impact their sense of security and stability in relationships. With uninvolved parenting, children may develop insecure attachments. The lack of demandingness and responsiveness can lead to a lack of security for a child.

What’s the difference between secure and insecure attachment? Attachment patterns influence a child’s social and emotional development. With secure attachment, a child feels secure and confident in their relationship with their caregiver. They can seek comfort from their caregiver when they are distressed. They are easily soothed by their caregiver. The caregiver is responsive and consistently meets the child’s emotional and physical needs. Securely attached children tend to have positive self-esteem, social competence, and healthy relationships later in life. With insecure attachment, a child may show avoidant, anxious, or disorganized attachment patterns. Children with insecure attachments may have difficulties forming and maintaining relationships in the future. Insecurely attached children may struggle with emotional intimacy, be overly dependent, or may have challenges regulating their emotions and behaviors. Traditionally, insecure attachment patterns contribute to anxiety, low self-esteem, and behavioral problems. Please recognize these are general tendencies. Individual differences and other factors play a huge role in attachment outcomes. Attachment is a super complex and dynamic process where outcomes can vary widely even within the same parenting styles. 

What do we do with all this information? All this information is supposed to help you gain an understanding of what you may be experiencing and how we got here. This is an educational piece. Great. How does a client actually use this information in their life?  I collaborate with them to figure out what the client needs based on their specific situation and their goals. Depending on the client, we could explore their emotions and experience with their specific attachment style. We could explore their relationship with their caregivers or parents. We could build the foundation of understanding their own emotions as a whole. We could also explore what needs to happen to be able to address anxiety, low self-esteem, behavioral problems, and relationship issues. Use it as a framework for understanding. Once we understand, we can make a change.

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