Team Parenting

I ask parents about their thoughts on team parenting. I usually get blank stares in return. Team parenting is the idea that each person who has regular contact with a child has a role in raising the child.

Who is on your parenting team? There is that saying, "it takes a village to raise a child." The village includes you, your partner, grandparents, aunties, uncles, close friends, caregivers at child care facilities, teachers, doctors, coaches, and religious or spiritual leaders to name a few. Think about those who spent time with your child. These people are on your parenting team.

After you figure out who is on your parenting team, does everyone on your parenting team know your parenting plan? Everyone needs to understand and respect your parenting plan. As a parent of a child, you are responsible and in charge. You have the final say. I like to think of parents as the quarterback. As a quarterback, you orchestrate the offense. You ensure each teammate understands the play. Yes, you take advice from coaches or other professionals but you are the one who executes. You are the one responsible. If the team doesn't understand what you are doing, that is on you, the parent.

As the head of the parenting team, you will have to make difficult decisions and have difficult conversations. Often, I hear of parents butting heads with grandparents. Usually, it is a grandparent not respecting or following the parents' rules and boundaries. Parents complain of grandparents who do this or that that is against their rules and boundaries. Parents are worried about how to move forward. Remember, as the parent, the rules and boundaries that you set for your child take precedent over all other rules that other people set for your child. You have the final say in all cases with regards to your child.

Have difficult and direct conversations with your parenting team. Set your limits and boundaries for your parenting team, just as you would your child. If they cross your boundaries, you will respond in an appropriate matter. It may mean changing team members. It may mean not having sleepovers. Not having these conversations will cause difficulty in the relationships with your team but may also cause issues in the relationship with your child.