Physician Mental Health: Physicians in Relationships

When you are a physician, being in a relationship with another person can be difficult. You are married to medicine.  You’ve poured your heart and soul into becoming a physician and have spent at least the last 6-7 years to get to where you are professionally. You need a relationship with someone who understands the physician lifestyle and all it entails.

Types of Physician Relationships.

I’ll break down physician relationships into two categories. Category one is being in a relationship with another physician.  Category two is being in a relationship with a non-physician.

Starting with category one, many physicians are married to other physicians.  Like attracts like. Being in a relationship with another physician may mean you have similar experiences, traumas, and understandings as one another. Maybe you met your partner during medical school, residency, or fellowship. This could mean you’ve been in the same trenches together. This could be why you’ve built this bond with one another. You’ve experienced the same things and have grown in similar ways. When you are in a relationship with another physician, you have a better understanding of each other's professional life. This can add value to your relationship. You don’t need to explicitly state the nuances of your work or the stress involved. You speak the same language as one another. You understand the ins and outs of the professional environment. You truly know what the physician's lifestyle is like. Your partner knows it because they live it too.  They know your professional life intimately

When you are in category two, or in a relationship with a non-physician, your partner, as well as yourself, do not know as intimately about each other’s professional life. And that is 100% okay. I know physicians married to financial managers, business directors, psychotherapist, homemakers, and everything in between. Knowing about your partner's professional life is only a single aspect of them. There is more to a person than their profession.  Yes, physicians live in different worlds.  They have entirely different experiences. They even have their own language or complicated terms for simple everyday issues i.e. sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia or brain freeze from ice cream.  Non-physician partners can understand the stressors you experience and the physician lifestyle enough to have a successful relationship.  What actually matters is that there is clear communication between everyone involved.

Physicians in Relationships Need to Communicate Effectively

It doesn’t matter if you are in a relationship with another physician or a non-physician. It might take more time to explain a specific work situation to a non-physician but what really matters is that you are effectively communicating with one another. You need to be able to express all your needs to your partner in either situation.  Each person involved needs to understand the rules and agreements between them.  

You need to be able to communicate about work, as well as, life outside of work. There can be more to life than being a physician and working, if you want there to be.  You need to be able to talk about both the good and bad parts of your life with your partner. You need to be able to put in the work to continue to make the relationship work. You need to have conversations about why I can’t be here at a certain time or why I’m going to be missing dinner tonight or why I have to be on call.  You need to be able to talk to your partner.  You need to be clear about where your priorities belong. You and your partner need to come to terms with each other’s priorities.  Relationships are a two-way street. If your spouse or your partner isn't on board with you working 24-hour shifts or being on call every other weekend, you need to evaluate if being an ER doctor or someone that needs to be on call is best for you and your relationship. Make sure you're letting your expectations known. You need to regularly have these conversations to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Physicians Can Have Successful Relationships

When you are ready to make a commitment to change and want online therapy in California, online therapy in Michigan, or online therapy in Nevada, reach out here for a complimentary 15-minute consultation. My name is Chris Rabanera. I want you to live your best life.  Issues I work with include physician burnout, anxiety, depression, individuals dealing with relationships, and grief.