Mental Health for Men: Gender Roles

If you know anything about me, you know that I do not play all of the traditional gender roles. I run and own my private practice psychotherapy business but I am far from being the breadwinner in my household. Also, you can call me Mr. Mom as I am very much involved in raising my children. I am a marriage and family therapist so I do have that psychosocial development training. I spend more time with my children than my partner does, which is far from the traditional gender roles. Does being Mr. Mom and not the breadwinner in my household make me less of a man?

Being Mr. Mom

In a world where societal norms often dictate traditional gender roles, challenging these expectations can be a liberating yet challenging experience. Let’s check out the idea of being Mr. Mom. Mr. Mom is a term for fathers who take on the primary caregiving role in their families. That’s not traditional at all. In today’s society, Mr. Mom symbolizes a movement of fathers who actively choose to prioritize their involvement in childcare and household duties over conforming to traditional expectations and roles. To be honest, this is about active decision-making and making a conscious decision to perform activities that align with a person’s values. It’s a conscious decision to push back against societal norms and embrace a role that is often reserved for mothers. 

Expectations of a Man

From an early age, individuals are conditioned to believe that certain tasks and responsibilities are inherently tied to one’s gender. Traditionally in American society, men are expected to be providers and show strength and power while downplaying displays of emotions and affection. Women are expected to be pretty, polite, and nurturing.  If you don’t show these traditional traits, you’re soft. You’re a little b*tch. You don’t have cojones. Pushing back against these traditional gender roles can be challenging.

The Pushback

I love to take my kids out and go on adventures. We love to explore our local parks and amenities in our area. Do you know how many judgmental stares, raised eyebrows, and well-intentioned but misguided comments I get? A boatload. It’s mainly fueled by the notion of what it means to be a man or a woman. At first, I was bothered by it. Today, I don’t care. I have the support of friends and family. What works best for one family may not work best for another. It’s about having a clear idea of what your family values are and using active decision-making to live those family values. 

Perks of Mr. Mom

One of the best parts of being Mr. Mom is the opportunity to be present with my kids. I used to work ~50 hours a week. I can 100% tell you that I missed out on moments in my child’s life because of my demanding work schedule. Today, I get to actively participate in the day-to-day caregiving responsibilities. I get to bear witness and contribute to my child’s growth while building a strong bond with my child. I get the opportunity to spend time with my children in moments that will never happen again because they will only get older. I consider myself lucky and blessed to have this opportunity to fulfill my family's values. 

The Breadwinner of the Household

In terms of not being the primary breadwinner, I 100% recognize and embrace the situation for what it is. My family understands our priorities and values. No amount of pushback from others is going to change what is important to us as a family. For me, my success or failure in life is not solely measured by financial achievement. It may be for others though. My success comes from the impact I have on my family unit. My success can be measured by my family unit’s success and the standards we have created for ourselves with many societal norms be damned.

Being Mr. Mom is more than just a gender role reversal. It’s active decision-making in the works. It’s a conscious decision by my family and I to live the life that we create for ourselves. By breaking from many of the traditional expectations, people can create the best environment for themselves and their families. The journey will be met with skepticism and resistance from many. If what you want is different from traditional expectations and roles, the struggle will be worth it. This doesn’t make you less of a man. This makes you more human.

Improve your Mental Health

Stop hoping things will get better passively. Put in the work today with therapy with Chris Rabanera. Take the first steps with a free 15-minute consultation. I offer online therapy in California, Michigan, Nebraska, Nevada, and Utah. As an experienced therapist, I specialize in physician burnout, grief counseling, anxiety, and depression. I also provide tailored mental health treatment for men.