Mental Health For Men: The Breakup Guide
Your relationship just ended. Whether it was on your terms or not, a break is tough. It’s a significant life event and there will be a transition period. You talked to this person regularly and shared parts of your life together. With this relationship ending, what’s next? Do you jump head-first into the next relationship? Do you focus on yourself? How do you move forward?
The Breakup Guide
I’m going to break this down into two sections: Immediate focus and long-term focus. Both are important areas to focus on but there are more pressing issues than others.
Immediate Focus
Use your positive coping skills
If your heart got smashed into a thousand little pieces, the first thing you should do is use your coping skills. I’m talking about positive coping skills. I know that your heart hurts and it’s painful. I know that your emotions can be overwhelming. But DO NOT NUMB THE PAIN with poor coping skills. You know what I’m talking about. Please don’t turn to substances. I know it’s easy. Your friends want to help take the pain away so they’ll take you out drinking and get you liquored up. If not alcohol, maybe they’ll get you higher than a kit. Substances are short-term solutions that put a bandaid on the problem. There are tons of coping skills out there. Deep breathing, journaling, exercising, spending time with friends and family, and on and on. Here are two coping skills that you can use: here and here. If those aren’t your style, google coping skills and find one that works for you.
Reach out to your support system
Reach out to your friends and tell them what is going on. These are the friends that really care about you and have your back. Reach out to them and let them know that you’re currently going through a tough time. People who are your friends will step up to the situation. They will support you in the best way they know how. Pick up the phone, give them or send them a text, and connect with your friends.
Eat
It’s going to be easy to skip meals and not eat. You might not be hungry or have an appetite. This can be common. Just because you don’t feel like eating doesn’t mean that your body doesn’t need the energy. Your body will always need food to survive. All you might want to do is lay in bed and mop all day long. Make sure you eat daily. It’s easy to forget when your heart is broken.
Get movement
As I said, you might not want to do a damn thing because your heart is broken. That’s normal. It’s okay to feel that way. Know that there is a difference between the way that you feel and the way that you act. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t take time to process the experience and be in your emotions. What I am saying is that getting daily and regular movement is important to how you feel. Movement and exercise are shown to improve mood and mental health. When the time is right, get movement. It’ll help you feel better.
Long Term Focus
Pause before you jump into a rebound relationship
A rebound relationship is when a person who recently ended a relationship immediately jumps into a new relationship. I’m quoted in an article about rebound relationships here. Many rebound relationships fail because the person who just ended the relationship may not be over their last partner. Another reason rebound relationships fail is because the person who ended the relationship may be trying to find a way to cover up the pain from their last relationship by finding someone to replace their previous partner. In many cases, a rebound relationship can come with a whole lot of luggage.
Process your experience of the relationship
Take the time to reflect on the relationship. What worked and what didn’t work? Where did you fall short in the relationship? Where did your partner fall short in the relationship? Were you able to maintain boundaries and limits with your partner? Be sure to sit with your emotions. Be present with them and experience them. Don’t shut off your emotions. Your emotions are telling you something.
Think about what you’d like your next relationship to look like
When you process your experience of the relationship, think about the takeaways from the last relationship. In your next relationship, what are you doing to do differently? What rules and boundaries do you want in place for the next relationship? When you sit down and think about these issues, you start to recognize that you can have a healthy and loving relationship. You get to set your own rules and boundaries.
Become the best version of yourself
Be the person you want to be in the relationship. This means putting in the work for self-improvement. You can learn about yourself and your relationships by reading books, watching videos, talking with people, listening to podcasts, or working with a professional. This means that you work through your own stuff. And we all have our own stuff that we are working on. By the way, this means that you are constantly growing and challenging yourself to be the best version of yourself. While you are doing this, you can continue to meet people and go on dates. You are always working on yourself. It’s a never-ending process. You are never finished.
Get Mental Health Treatment for Men
When you want to work on your mental health, reach out for a free 15-minute consultation. I’m Chris Rabanera. I provide online therapy in California, online therapy in Michigan, and online therapy in Las Vegas. I work with issues such as physician burnout, anxiety, depression, mental health for men and grief counseling.
