Therapy for Physicians: Crying
A physician client told me a mentor gave him a piece of advice that has stuck with him this entire career. “Serious doctors do not cry. If you cry in front of patients, you are not a real doctor.” This directive, steeped in the toxic culture of medicine, implied that emotional expression equates to unprofessionalism. Unprofessionalism? Where’s the line between being a human and being a physician?
Physicians Repression Emotions
Crying is a natural human response. As a physician, you’re bound to encounter profound moments of joy and sorrow. You’re going to see both life and death in your career. However, medical training and residency emphasize emotional control to an extreme degree. Many doctors are taught to remain stoic and never display feelings other than happiness or anger. emotions like sadness or grief we're supposed to be bottled up and dealt with later, if at all
Imagine witnessing a patient's final moment as they code. The expectation is that you maintain composure, and continue with your day as if nothing ever happened. This emotional repression can contribute to the increasing rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation among physicians. Many physicians never process their feelings or emotions, leading to emotional burnout. Many physicians bottle it up and place it outside of their stream of consciousness until these emotions explode.
Physicians are Misguided in Stoicism
As a mental health professional, I was trained similarly. Showing emotions during a session was a negative thing. We were to be statues, absorbing patients' pain without revealing anything. This approach, however, felt inauthentic to me. How can I set an example for my clients if I can't even be authentic and show emotions myself? Emotions are a fundamental part of being human, and experiencing them is natural. This stoic method of therapy is not my style, just as the unemotional doctor persona may not be yours.
Redefining Physician Professionalism
It's entirely okay for Physicians to cry. Crying in front of patients and their families can demonstrate compassion and empathy. It shows that you're touched by the health of your patients. It shows that you care. However, finding the right balance is crucial. While it's important to express emotions, you should not overshadow the patient's experience. Your role in this team is as the physician. A good guideline would be to never be the first one to cry and never cry the hardest.
Another thing to think about is your emotional response impeding your ability to provide high-quality patient care. Emotions shouldn't dominate the interaction but they should humanize it. Recognize your feelings, process them, and seek safe spaces to express them. Being able to balance your emotions allows you to remain empathetic without compromising your professionalism.
Tips for Managing Emotions as a Physician
Recognize and Accept Your Emotions: Understand that emotions are normal. Acknowledge and accept your emotions without judgment.
Process Your Emotions: Find constructive ways to process emotions. This could include talking with friends, and colleagues, journaling, exercising, or talking with a professional.
Find Safe Spaces to Express Emotions: This could be at home, in a private office, or with a trusted friend or colleague. Find places where you can let it all hang out.
Set Boundaries: Recognize that you are the professional in the room. Your role is the physician. Do not rely on the patient for emotional support.
Practice Self-Care: Make sure You do activities that refill your cup. this helps to maintain your emotional balance and can help prevent burning out
Emotions are Not a Weakness
One of the misconceptions in dealing with emotions is the need to control emotions. Problems arise when we try to suppress or control our emotions excessively. Emotions are an integral part of our humanity. Emotions need space to be felt and expressed appropriately. Emotional distress occurs when we try to control our emotions and disconnect from them. Emotions are not meant to be put in a box and never experienced. Emotions need to be processed. Experiencing emotions means you are human.
Therapy for Physicians
Remember that you're a human first and a doctor second. Empathy is crucial for your role as a physician. Once you lose your empathy, you begin to lose yourself. You’ll start to become a shell of that bright-eyed bushy-tailed doctor that you once were. Patients value doctors who can connect with them on that level. Patients want more than medical expertise. They want someone who cares for them.
Reach out for Therapy for Physicians
If you aren’t crying or experiencing emotions, reach out. Find yourself again. When you’re ready to start therapy with Chris Rabanera, take the first steps with a free 15-minute consultation. I provide online therapy in California, online therapy in Michigan, online therapy in Nebraska, and online therapy in Las Vegas. As an experienced therapist, I specialize in physician burnout, grief counseling, anxiety, and depression. I also provide mental health treatment for men.
